


this is your racing heart; can you feel it?

by honeybadgers



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, it gay, royalty theme, the fic i talked about, yo this is the gay, you know what - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 09:42:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11803449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybadgers/pseuds/honeybadgers
Summary: In the end, they were just a tragedy. It wouldn't have worked.





	this is your racing heart; can you feel it?

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been staying in my docs since january and i posted it once but I'm reposting it because of the special meaning it has to me. My first real long story with more than 1k words. Enjoy <3
> 
> title from 'laura palmer' by bastille

They met in summer, when the sun started to shine brightly and everything was green green green and blue blue blue and flushed cheeks and hesitant handshakes and climbing in trees and the continually hissing of the blonde haired boy to be careful. The brown haired boy smiles and ignores the warning. 

 

He departed in autumn in which all the leaves and all the flowers are slowly dying and animals are taking shelter for the cold coming towards them. And that is how it ended, cold. A cold body and a cold yet broken heart.

 

**______________________**

 

Sebastian Vettel met Daniel Ricciardo when he was twenty-one. 

 

They weren't supposed to talk to each other, unless  _ they _ command you to do so. 

 

_ “Would you take the towels to the chambers?” _

 

_ “Of course, I will be back soon.” _

 

_ The walk to it feels endless but of course it is endless. The space feels too much and after being here for two years he still hasn't discovered every secret spot. _

 

_ He knocks the door and no response comes. He wants to go but he knows the boss won't allow it to not finish a job. _

 

“Just lie them on the bed and then go.”

 

_ He opens the door slowly, and he flinches when it starts to crack a bit. _

 

He might be asleep

 

_ But that sudden thought disappears when he hears a shower. While he starts tiptoeing to the bed he hears a door opening and he thinks he left the door slightly when he entered and due to the wind it starts to open again. _

 

_ “So you came for the towels? Thank you. You can leave them on the bed.” _

 

_ And  _ **_fuck_ ** _ , he starts blushing because the guy in front of him only has a towel around his waist and his hair is a bit wet and he doesn't  _ know _ what to do. He rather wants to run away but instead he is standing petrified on his place, shocked by this situation, which is so out of his comfort zone and so not everything He had been preparing himself for. _

 

_ “Of course.” _

 

_ “Hey I know I'm pretty attractive you know. You can stop staring.” _

 

_ He leaves them on the bed, tapping them gently -while feeling the brown haired boy with his eyes- burning through his back- before he turns his back to leave. _

 

_ And he runs and runs and runs away. Because  _ **_no_ ** _ , this is too much. Too much out of his comfort zone. _

 

**______________________**

 

_ “Sorry if I crossed your boundaries.” _

_“You_ _shouldn't be talking with me.”_

_ “I am the one who started the conversation in the first place, don't worry. They won't punish you for something you didn't do.” _

 

_ The blonde smiled, because he wonders Does he maybe care about him? It is impossible, because that is just ridiculous, out of everyone he could care about, why should he care about him in the first place. The idea that he might be not just a face who could be seen down the hallways is nothing but an aspiration. _

 

_ “I didn't know that you were showering and I should have never come in, intruding your privacy.” _

 

_ “Stop apologising! I know how to live my life. I can decide for myself, who I hang around with and who I don't hang around with. And honestly, you kind of intrigue me. Normal people would have just stood there in shock and run away, and that is what you did, but I don’t think you are ordinary. I think you have something extra. I would like to know you better.” _

 

The next day, he heard from his boss that he was assigned somewhere else. Not surprising where he was assigned, but still shocked, he apparently got assigned to  _ him _ , the second most important man of this country, the  _ Prince  _ itself. The one everyone wants to be assigned to, anyone and everyone here had spoken about it for at least one time. Apparently a kind and gentle personality who treats everyone as equals. 

 

“Welcome to the first day of your new job. You will be my personal assistent from now on.”

 

_ Jesus Christ _

 

**_______________________**

 

They haven't spoken about the incident ever again, and Seb really wonders if he sometimes thinks about it again. Because that -probably- started all this. It isn't a tough job, he indeed treats him as his equal. He isn't that kind of person who lets everyone do everything and he also has his moments in which his confidence levels have sunken to the bottom. He has seen so many layers already and he really thinks that there are more things yet to discover.

 

Maybe that what he likes the most about him. That there is always something new to discover. That he really loves hugs and really hates wine and wants to see some snow and that he feels pressured by the idea of reigning. He has heard it all. All the aspirations and the dreams and the failures. 

 

He is flawed but beautiful in his own way, like broken glass. The soul is fragmented and in every fragment you see something different.

 

It has been six months ago.

 

Things have changed.

 

**_______________________**

 

On his twenty-fifth birthday, he got kind of a surprise. 

 

Things  _ really _ changed between them.

 

That day was the day, they were playing with their boundaries. They both tugged and pulled with each others’ heartstrings and teased one another constantly. Until one of them pulled too far. And no, it didn't break. He pulled the other guy close and kissed him with such a passion and desperation and depth and desire it felt like they depended on each other and that, if one of them lets go, they would die right now on the spot.

 

It was amazing, but this would be marked as the flight of Icarus soon; they loved each other so much they constantly flew to the heat and they were on the edge of falling down, of getting caught. 

 

But the heat set their hearts on fire, and there was no such thing to cool it down. They kept burning and burning and burning without any regrets and without any fear, because they had eachother.

 

This is how it started. 

 

**________________________**

 

This continued for over half a year in which kisses were stolen in the dark and candles made their skins looking like they were on fire and silent confessions of words they could never say in the daylight.

 

The night was theirs and theirs only.

 

But slowly the fear started to creep in. The fear of the possible end. The fear that the other might leave without any note, any sign or any explanation. 

 

Doubt filled his mind at day.

 

Something that will be forgotten in the night.

**______________________**

 

And there was the annual birthday party of the Prince himself. 

 

Sebastian didn't want to be in the spotlights, because he was afraid that the blush on his cheeks and everything else might betray him. So he chose to be part of the catering, like the last half year didn't even happen. Daniel did look disappointed but he respected his decision.

 

The whole afternoon he made himself busy with setting up the tables, helping others out, assist in the kitchen. 

 

And suddenly he got called to assist Dan again. Putting his suit on they said.

 

So he went.

 

When he finally reached his room and opened it, he stood there in front of him with only some pants on, and  _ yes _ he had seen him this way many times before but it still makes him blush after all this time.

 

He grabbed the suit, which was a radiant white -in contrast with his tanned skin it looked so radiant- and he put it on. Then the pants, and lastly the mask. The mask was off - white and made his brown eyes stand out. 

 

“You look radiant.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

And Dan decided to close the gap and give him a soft kiss on the lips and the tenderness made Seb feeling like melting ice.

 

“Shall I help you with preparing?”

 

He wants to say no, because that isn't his job to do, but he looks at him with such love and such tenderness that he can't say no.

 

“Okay.”

 

**______________________**

 

His shift was done for the evening. 

He chose to do this, because this was an important 

And after being for what felt like many hours in the ballroom serving champagne to people in elegant outifts who didn’t care about the talks they were having and the people they were talking with, it felt like a relief to stand here outside in the palace garden with no one to watch him or correct him or constantly asking for drinks they didn’t need.

 

In the darkness the white roses seemed to glow in the dark along with the stars, and it was a beautiful sight to take in. The chatter was decreased to a minimum level and they were just background music. He took off his mask, a simple black one which was made for all the male servants, took a deep breath and just stood there in silence outside, in awe about the beauty of everything.

 

“It is a beautiful night, right?”

 

And  _ damn _ he was scared at that moment. He had been so adsorbed in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice someone was standing next to him, let alone  _ him _ . The eyecatcher of this freaking ball, the reason why this is organised in the first place. The guy with the Australian accent who makes him feel alive and dead simultaneously. The guy who he broke so many servant rules for in the freaking first place, by just staying with him during the nights. And he feels like a homewrecker, even though he isn’t married or something. It is just out of limits, them having a relationship together. He shouldn’t expect more, desire more, but it is too intoxicating. People will only get hurt but he just can't  _ stop _ .

 

“,Why are you here in the first place? You shouldn't be here with me, you have many people who want to talk to you, keen to get your attention. Not me, I'm not interesting. ”

 

“You haven't answered my question.”

 

He sighs, because he is right, he avoids the question.

 

“Yes it is.”

 

“I think you are prettier.”

 

And finally he dares to look to the Australian. He avoided him the whole time, but this is something he never said. It might have been said in the way he kisses him or looks at him when they get rid of their clothes, but never for real, straight to the point, in his  _ face _ .

 

A shy smile comes of his face, and he tries to focus on his face, the bright smile, who is looking really shy right now. The wrinkles around his eyes, partly covered by his mask, who is white and decorated with black designs. And he can't help but smiling either.

 

And he turns his head again, towards the darkness, but he suddenly sees something, a glinster and it just looks like a barrel.

 

_ Shit, he isn’t going to die. I'm not letting that happen. _

 

So he does the thing that seems the most logical to him.

 

He grabs the Australian by his right shoulder blade and pushes him. He hears some protests, a thump of someone falling on the ground, but all the sounds are all suddenly gone. The protests are replaced by extreme pain in his stomach. And his fingers reach towards the source of the pain and rhe he feels  _ it _ . He feels something liquid, and he realises it is blood, his  _ own blood _ . And he falls.

 

He hears a shocked gasp, moving limbs and all of a sudden a face is hanging above him.

 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. What have I done?”

 

His own sight might be blurry, but he notices and he hears pure desperation, someone falling apart slowly but surely. 

 

“I chose for this myself. I chose to you protect you and to put my life at stake for it. Because you have so much ahead of you and you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, and if that was with me or not, I chose for this because I love you. I can be missed here, I can easily be replaced by someone else, but you can't and you won't be replaced, because you are special. It's okay. It's okay for me right now. I'm happy.”

 

“Why are you saying this? It isn't true. You are saying all that because for what? To make me regret everything that I have done? Because then you failed.”

 

And he smiles with this broad yet desperate smile and  _ jesus _ , he can't help but smile as well.

And then the pain strikes again, mercilessly and he cringes again, a soft moan coming out of his mouth.

 

“I should get some help right now.”

 

And he stumbles, and the silhouette starts to get out of his sight but he doesn't want him to leave.

 

“ _ Stay.” _

 

And for one horrible moment, he thinks that he doesn't listen and that he leaves for help, and deep inside he knows himself that it is too late, that he is doomed to die anyways. And the last thing he wants is to die  _ alone  _ in the literal sense.

 

And he doesn't hear any footsteps, the ragged breathing of someone who is full of doubt and hesitation. And the next moment he is hanging above him again.

 

“Of course. I will never leave you, don't you ever think that, you little idiot.”

 

And suddenly, everything gets extremely blurry and he feels extremely dizzy. The lack of blood that is running through his body starts to take a toll. He feels the life inside him slipping out of everything.

 

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Daniel. I have never regret one thing I have did. And please  _ live  _ for me.”

 

And then his eyes fall shut and the cries seem so far away. 

 

And this is how Sebastian Vettel died in the arms of Daniel Ricciardo at the age of 26.

 


End file.
